Friday, July 31, 2009


Denial does not change facts. It simply prolongs the acknowledgement of truths. This is my admission or perhaps, submission of sorts. This post has been a week in the works. It has been brewing in my mind, eating at the very core of my brain. I kept making myself excuses as to why I could delay it. The time has come.
My Life Coach* laid out a challenge for me regarding my photography. I told her about a session I booked with people that I didn't know; strangers of a virtual kind. I was nervous and Coach picked up on it immediately. She called my bluff and my pathetic attempt to fake confidence. She pushed me to work through what was making me squeamish. She lighted the path that I was walking alone. Coach's challenge was to pick one of the images I captured at the session and list five things that I rocked at. I agreed this would be challenging but doable. So many times after entering into this challenge my demons tried to talk me out of it. Coach won't know. yes she will. she said she's watching. You could come up with some reason that you couldn't do it. i'm a lot of things but liar isn't one of them. Be busy with something else. I want to be busy with what is important to me and this is. Are you sure you took one image that is good enough to write about? of course I am...Of Course, I AM. Are you really living this or are you just playing dress up? This is me. These are my wants. I will not break. This is who I am.
Fast forwarding a bit, this challenge now existed and the session had not happened. I knew there had to be someone on the other side of a screen typing at another keyboard as our emails went back and forth arranging details. I didn't see faces. I didn't know their voices. I knew only their names and when and where we were meeting. I knew what I could offer. I knew I had something to share with them. I knew they trusted me enough to take a chance on me.
I was in control of my self-inflicted lack of confidence. The only way for me to overcome my fear was to kick it in the ass. Since the demons didn't seem to want to turn their backs on me, I took mine and jumped off the proverbial cliff. Two feet together. Arms stretched way up to the sky. I dared my demons to follow. I told them to try it. They would not win.
What the world saw happening was me showing up at the spot early and walking around. I looked for pretty things, natural things, light things, different things, new things, and on and on. What I was really looking for was some mystical wizard to pop up and magically transform everything. The demons seemed to have jumped. They lingered in the shadows. About 10 minutes before the meeting time, the demons burst through my palms. Sweat started beading and I was getting jittery. What had I gone and gotten myself into - on so many different levels? Then, FutureSelf Me** stepped up. She screamed at the demons. She took control of me. She pushed me forward. Reminded me that I could do this, that I was worth the risk.
They drove up; these people that didn't know me either. It was happening. It was real. I could not run and I could not hide. I blinked and it was over. I knew the treasures I held. I was accomplishing my goal. They were awaiting a glimpse through my eyes of their beauty. They left with my promise of a speedy delivery. I walked away yearning for more, ready to complete Coach's challenge.

Without further ado, here is what I saw through my lens:

  1. Innocence kisses her cheeks with perfection.
  2. Her eyes gaze at a world, eager to taste, yearning to learn.
  3. She is curious and cautious equally.
  4. The wind played with her curls and laid them just so to add flavour.
  5. The black and white removes the distractions that colour can sometimes add.

  1. Here I present you with a Gypsy Princess in a Secret Garden.
  2. She listens to the stories the fairies whisper in her ear. They call her to come along.
  3. She dances to the beat of her own drum or perhaps tiptoes along the strings of a harp.
  4. She soaks up the sun as though it will never set.
  5. She is beauty.
*Kathryn is an absolutely phenomenal Life Coach. Drop her a line and inquire about how she can help you get focused or moving forward again.
**Talk to Coach to find your future self, too.

1 comment:

  1. Good Job- If it means anything- I am proud of you and happy for you all together at the same time!