December with a bang.

This one does it for me everytime.  Something about the strength in it. Something about the passion. 
Life is starting to get back to a managable level of crazy. I'm looking for more time to be back here. My heart needs it.

Dancer.

She dances. Little feet that stomp an implied gracefulness. Her heart is set right.

 

Dear blog

I miss you.

Driving along.

This song came on the radio the other night as I was driving home. The last few notes rung out as I pulled into the driveway. A perfect way to end a stressful week. A nice throw back.

10.2

Just like that we arrive at 10. Didn't we just blink and see the calendars rolling lazily towards 2012? 2013 suddenly feels just a wink away.
5 - The half way mark is where I'm at in this latest blur of a course. How is it that I'm already here?
Some days I wake and wonder how it all fits in. Many more, I rise and know the only way through is to get up and start going.
That's all I have today for words. There is a textbook demanding to be read.
Until next time...

Yesterday, I cried.

I watched a show remembering that day all those years ago. It was about some of the survivors and the heroes and the horrors and the love.
I remembered that moment of disbelief as I stared wide-eyed at the TV screen.
I talked to my son about it and about the world, the good that exists in people and a bit about the bad. As the last story flashed across the screen and I sobbed at what they said, he hugged me. Then he hugged me again.
Because that's what we need to remember.

Changing pace.

I need a change of pace. Here I am, right now, on September 6 wondering where it all went. The long lazy days of summer raced away. I shake my head at the oxymoronic thought of "lazy" and "raced" together but it's my truth.
Moments thread themselves together until one fluid wave ebbed and flowed greatness while caught in the midst of the hurricane we called our summer. Then this song version found its way to me. The radio version blared out of many speakers earning its place on the soundtrack of summer and along comes this acoustic cover.
A perfect change of pace.

Cut footloose.

Here's what I've recently become consumed with. I can't believe it took me so long to watch this movie. Have you seen it? What about the old vs. new comparison? I need to scout out the original and see how it compares as I've not see that one either.
Cheers on Tuesday! Everybody cut footloose.

Missions: August

Let's get back on track. By the end of this month I plan to have something to say about each of these:

• Organize one area
• Purge clothes
• Play with my kidlets
• Get back in the habit of using my camera
• Prepare for school
• Sit ups sound doable
• Find my 10lbs weights
• Budget
• Mend my knee

Hello August.

What a wonderful month. For me, August is always transitional. It's the peak of summer time. It means vacations and long lazy days. It means September is peeking in the windows and kissing the evening heat of summer just enough to reminder fall is close. New day planners are scattered about and that is always a cue for me to think ahead. School supply sales have already started here and, yes, I've picked up a few new notebooks for the coming year. It's a big one. But that's not for a month yet.
This month, I'm going to absorb every ounce of summer that I can.

July snapshot.

As many are getting ready to take an August Break, I'm getting myself back on track.
Here's a bit about July and what's been going in on my world. July long weekend is our kick off for summer fun and, my word, we've been living it up.

• We started with a road trip including Canada Day celebrations with fireworks.
• There was a miraculous find by my son who spotted and saved a baby bird - that's a post all on its own.
• I've been hauling hard at the books in dark hours of night to wrap up my current course.
• I've been helping with wedding planning - more on that next month.
• I braved a family photo shoot for an acquaintance, something simple and sweet
• A mini kitchen renovation if that's even possible to say together
• I read a book for pleasure! The Night Circus proved to be so much more than anything I could have asked for. I'm still captivated by the story.

What does your July snapshot look like?

On my mind.

It's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine...it's summertime!
~Kenny Chesney, Summertime
Summer's lease hath all too short a date.
~William Shakespeare, Shakespeare's Sonnets
Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.
~Kellie Elmore

On my mind

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
~Henry Ford
Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.
~Aristotle
The greatest inspiration is often born of desperation.
~Comer Cotrell

On my mind.

You are remembered for the rules you break.
~Douglas MacArthur
Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.
~Chuck Palahniuk
Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A beautiful day.

The last many days have been grey and gloomy. Humidity, rain and some hail washed away the weekend. An incredible prairie storm rolled through late Saturday evening lighting the sky with electric white and rolling echoes of thunder such that my little one declared it "Black Thunder". I was buried deep in my studies feeling just a little less guilty thanks to the gloom.

As a break from the books, I concocted a story about a murder plot because of a moth that had invaded my bedroom. It's a story for another day but suffice it to say that I have a very real and very irrational fear of moths.

As we stepped out the door this morning the sun was on his way up shining bright in the clear blue sky. The moment my kidlet saw the dry pavement and the bright sunshine, she declared today a beautiful day. I hope both my kidlets carry the talent of finding the beauty in every day with them always.

On my mind.

Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.
~Dean Karnazes
Everything you need is already inside.
~Bill Bowerman
Running is real and relatively simple...but it ain't easy.
~Mark Will-Weber

A deeper shade of grey.

Sometimes I see things in vibrant colour. Electric teals, vibrant yellows, luscious reds resonate through to my core. Other times, colours fade and I am left with varying shades of grey. From one extreme of complete black to the other of blinding white and the realm of bizarre blends in between, I trudge forward.
This week, there is no colour.
There is tired.
There is too much.
There is a desperate need to catch up or, perhaps more correctly, to slow down.
I am off to search for the beauty to be had within this moment of grey.

On my mind.

A grand adventure is about to begin.
~Winnie the Pooh

Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.
~E.B. White

Life is magic, the way nature works seems to be quite magical.
~Jonas Salk

Another one on the horizon.

To say life is busy sounds a bit silly because it seems that lately it always is. No sooner does one thing end another is very quick to race into its space. I look at all the things I want to do and then resolve that I need to be happy if I can get one thing done, never mind the other 300 waiting. Small steps.


This week I need to tap into to my discipline. There is an exam looming and the material is demanding attention. Seven days. I count each one very slowly. Have three months really already passed? I have courses stacked for the summer and waver on my decision to have done so. I try to focus knowing that if I put the effort in now I'll be able to breathe a bit over the summer. I also know this will be one step closer to my goal.

It's raining out and boot camp is everything the name suggests. Please tell me what I was thinking when I decided to sign up. The instructions included "dress for the weather". I suppose that means tonight I'll be getting wet.

On my mind.

Stop waiting until you finish school,
until you go back to school,
until you lose ten pounds,
until you gain ten pounds,
until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house,
until you start work,
until you retire,
until you get married,
until you get divorced,
until Friday night,
until Sunday morning,
until you get a new car or home,
until your car or home is paid off,
until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter,
until you are off welfare,
until the first or fifteenth,
until your song comes on,
until you've had a drink,
until you've sobered up,
until you die,
until you are born again
to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy...
~Author Unknown

Missing.

I scream ..... they scatter
I beg ..... they sneer

I plead ..... they laugh

I cry ..... they recess

I yearn ..... they hide

Why do words evade me

Where are the dances we used to engage

Stories weigh heavy on my heart

I can't help but feel I'm missing something

So I ask for them to please return

On my mind.

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
~Henry David Thoreau
What is important in life is life, and not the result of life.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We each see what we need to see.
~Rango (the movie)

In Silence.

In the misty morning light
Upon the hard packed gravel road
She walks in silence.

In the afternoon heat
With the ebb and flow of the lake lapping at her feet
She walks in silence.

In the evening hours
Through the towering pines
She walks in silence.

In the darkness of night
Under the hand-stitched patchwork quilt
She sleeps in silence.

From him for me.

I saw the weed on my door handle and flicked it away. It wasn't until I had started the car that I began wondering about the irony of where it lay. How could it be that this pesky bud would land so perfectly where it did for me to find.
Early that afternoon, on his way home from school, he saw this pretty yellow flower. He thought of what a nice surprise it would make for his mom. He plucked it up and carried it home with pride then set it where he knew she was sure to find it.
I closed my eyes and made a wish.
...a wish that he keeps this gentle tenderness forever.
I'm thankful he's mine.

30.

And just like that, I celebrate 30 years. What an amazing adventure it's been so far. I think of everything I've done so far and am amazed. I think of everything that the future holds for me and I welcome it with my all.
I'm taking some time to reflect and to dream. Nothing is too big or too small to matter. I'm writing words that I carry in my heart. I'm excited and afraid all the same.
Raise a glass today and let's cheer to everything because every day should have in it a reason to celebrate.

Pick it up.

Haunting beauty.
I find myself craving this type of music right now.
Please share any songs you may know of that are similar.

On my mind.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
~Marilyn Monroe

Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before your, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you...yet, someone survived..You can do anything you choose to do.
~Maya Angelou

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
~C.S. Lewis

One foot in front of the other.

Last Tuesday I got the call and felt the world stop turning. My cat of 17 years was not well.
Skip the math but I got her when I was 13 filled with angst rebellion and misery. She was my calico-coloured light. We had an immediate understanding, a connection that bonded. She'd sit beside me and snuggle affording sandpaper kisses to only my hands. I'd let her play with my long strands of box-dyed midnight purple hair. She yank and pull but it didn't matter. Fast forward 17 years. We'd both grown and the bond only strengthened. She accepted how I changed and loved me all the same.
My cat lived with my grandparents just because that's the way it was. Then last Tuesday I got the call. There was something very wrong with Candy and she needed to see a vet fast. A whirlwind of an afternoon left us faced with the humane decision in humanity.
Whispering softly with tears streaming, I said goodbye.

On my mind.

Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow - it is not a permanent rest stop.
~Dodinsky, www.dondinsky.com

It's so curious: one can resist tears and "behave" very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was a bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer...and everything collapses.
~Colette

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
~Author Unknown

On my mind.

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
~Lily Tomlin
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
~Mohandas K. Gandhi
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
~Doug Larson

Dessert dish.

I'm aching. I miss this small space of mine. I am carving my way through making time again.
Today, let's enjoy a virtual soft serve sundae:
Vanilla swirled in a waffle cup bowl topped with warm caramel drizzle and hot creamy fudge. Mini chocolate chips are sprinkled all around the bottom and the top is dusted lightly with toasted coconut flakes. The top is kissed with a bright red cherry, stem still attached.
What's on your dessert dish?

On my mind.

When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.
~Author Unknown

I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am.
~Sylvia Plath

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~L. Frank Baum

Over and out.

That one's over and there's nothing I can do today to change it. The two month wait until marks are released begins and my next class gets rolling next week. It was rough and I have no idea how I did. I knew what I knew. What I wasn't sure on, I tried anyways. Fearlessly, I broke led after led in my pencil, hammered out numbers and formulas, and spewed ink until my arm ached. It is what it is.
For today, I'm soaking up the space with down time. I poured myself a cup of patience, mixed in a spoon of relaxation and added a drop of happy. I even tucked my little camera into my pocket to see what wonders it will capture. It's been much too long since she and I have danced.

Calculators at the ready.

Exam day.
3 hours - each mark on paper translated into minutes on the clock.
Pencil led in full supply.
Ink, too.
Nerves shot.
Last week summed up in a word - rough.
Deep breathe.
Another journey.
Determination - at max capacity.

On my mind.

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.
~ William D. Tammeus

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
~P.J. O'Rourke

Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes.
~Chinese Proverb

Questioning words passing through my gates.

An old Sufi tradition advises to speak only after our words have managed to pass through four gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves, "Are these words true?" If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go. At the second gate we ask; "Are they necessary?" At the third gate we ask; "Are they beneficial?" and at the fourth gate, we ask, "Are they kind?" If the answer to any of these is no, then what you are about to say should be left unsaid. What words are you saying and what ones are you leaving unsaid?

Because I need it today.

One of my favorite songs and favorite movie trilogies. I need it today.

On my mind.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
~Anne Bradstreet

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.
~Proverb

If you do not sow in the spring, you will not reap in the autumn.
~Irish Proverb

Love and the like.

I don't need a special day on the calendar to celebrate love. In my world, we do it all the time. But since the Hallmark world today is saying i love you, I will again, too.
Not just today, but every single day, I love you.

Sing it loud.

Me, too, Mr. Diamond. Me too.
Sing with me, won't you? Belt it out loud so even the dog looks at you funny. Mine did and you know what? It didn't matter to me. I did it anyways.
Forever in Blue Jeans

On my mind.

A photograph is usually looked at - seldom looked into.

A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.

When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.

~All quotes by the brilliant Ansel Adams

A journey.

Very late in 2011, we chose this as our new vehicle. It was time. There were a few that we debated but ultimately it was the Journey that was right. Ever since, I've become fascinated with everything that it means to me. I didn't know then just how all-encompassing this decision would become.
Having dabbled with the One Little Word project that I came across from Ali Edwards, I struggled to find one for 2012. Nothing seemed to fit quite right. The more I thought the more this word circled around me. It embraced me. It whispered that this is my word.
Journey.

Hazy days filled with heart.

This morning I woke to a city clouded in a misty fog. Rather fitting for me given that I was up much later than I had intended doing things that were less than enjoyable. Perhaps peculiar but sometimes, I see clearest amid the fog. It forces me to focus on the right here and now. I can wonder what is in the grey space beyond where my sight can see but can't do much more than prepare for what it will reveal once I reach that point.
A bit like life in general, I'd say. I can ready myself for any fathomable thought but it's only in the here and now that I can be. The past is filled with memories that soften around the edges as time goes on and then fade to grey in the mist. The future radiates hopes and dreams of what will be. It, too, is a bit grey and certainly unknown. But right now, in this this moment, in this tangible space where my eyes can focus, is where my heart drums its beat.
February, welcome. You knocked gently on my open door politely waiting for me to invite you in and I thank you for that.

On my mind.

The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.
~Don Williams Jr.

To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping.
~Chinese Proverb

What people forget is a journey to nowhere starts with a single step, too.
~Chuck Palahniuk

Mornings like this one.

The alarm went off. The dog lazily peered up from the foot of the bed, her droopy eyes said it all. But alas, it was time. I stretched through to my toes and felt rested, ready to start. The usual routine unfolded - shower, dry, dress. I opened the children's room door and peeked in.
They lay in a peaceful slumber. The very thought of waking them made me want to just snuggle in instead. I readied their clothes then picked up the ones from the night before that didn't quite make it into the basket. I stopped as I heard the little one sigh in her sleep and thought me too. Ever so softly I called to them and to my surprise they began to stir. He stretched through to his toes while I stood smiling remembering how I had just done the very same. She buried deeper into her pillow and I nodded knowing that was on my mind as well.
A short while later we were brushing teeth, washing faces, combing hair and the other mundane tasks that are whisked into mornings. It looked like business as usual but it felt different.
There was an inexpicable magic this morning. Perhaps it was something in the way we woke (gently, calmly) or the softness of our steps (rather than the fast-paced stomps life so often fills up with) or the tone I made a concious effort to set. Maybe it was the tenderness that I paused to notice or that softness that children naturally have that caught me today.
I stopped and noticed the difference. I inhaled the moment then went about the day.

Dance.

Because it's Friday, get up and spin. Just let the music take over your heart.
Go!

On my mind.

Truth lifts the heart, like water refreshes thirst.
~Rumi

Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.
~Unknown

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.
~Irish Proverb

How they grow.

Wasn't this just yesterday?